Disclaimer: Let's just say we all know it and move on. If I owned 'em I wouldn't be WORKING for a living!
Author's Note: This started as a conversation about whether PS wears boxers or briefs under that little Starfleet uniform. It degenerated into silliness and this is the result.
"I don't KNOW, Deanna! And even if I DID, I'm not sure I'd TELL you." Beverly Crusher was a bit surprised that Counselor Troi would even ASK her such a question; do you think Captain Picard wears boxers or briefs?
The conversation all started because Dr. Crusher had been mildly appalled to see her friend Will Riker in the smallest bathing suit she'd ever seen when she and the counselor met him in the holodeck pool he'd programmed. Deanna, of course, had not even batted an eye. Beverly realized after a second of thought that her friend would have seen Riker in his scivvies enough by now not to be surprised. It had been quite a while since Beverly had seen Will dressed, or undressed as it were, like this since his last physical almost a year ago. Will had gained a few pounds, and had apparently not seen the artificial sun for a while. Beverly cringed slightly; speedos were not a good look for the first officer.
Beverly had actually given Deanna a look which had started the whole conversation in the first place. The counselor defended her Imzadi and Beverly accepted it graciously, but Deanna persisted to the point where they were now discussing the captain's undergarments in the doctor's quarters after their swim.
"What do you MEAN you don't know? You're his DOCTOR! You've given him enough physicals to know. And beyond that....well, I just find it hard to believe you've never...."
"Never what?" Beverly looked at her friend with raised eyebrows.
"Well, you know," Deanna answered.
"No, I don't know. You can't believe I've never what?"
"Nevermind, Beverly, it doesn't matter."
"Oh yes it does. You think we're sleeping together, don't you?" Beverly's mouth hung open in astonishment that Deanna, of all people, should think that.
"No! I....well, I just...." Deanna shrugged, giving her friend a pitiful, 'I'm just hoping' look.
"DEANNA! How could you think that? Beyond the fact that you'd probably FEEL it, don't you think I'd TELL you if that was happening?" Beverly was incredulous.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Deanna hung her head for a minute, then looked up and smiled.
"I was just curious, Bev. I didn't mean to upset you."
Beverly smiled back, "You didn't Dee, I just can't believe you'd think I was sleeping with Jean Luc! I'd have TOLD you!"
Both women laughed and the conversation ended soon afterwards as the counselor had a shift on the bridge while the doctor was having dinner with Captain Picard.
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"Good evening, Beverly," Jean Luc said after greeting his dinner guest at the door.
"Hello, Jean Luc," she replied sweetly.
She sat on the sofa and waited for him to join her with their drinks. The conversation was light and easy. Beverly's mind wasn't concentrating on it completely and kept wandering back to her discussion with Deanna.
'Hmm, I wonder....' She thought while smiling absently at one of Jean Luc's comments.
He rose then and went to the replicator. "Any special request for dinner, Beverly?"
"Briefs, please," she answered without hesitation or thought.
"Excuse me?" Jean Luc stared at his guest in astonishment, apparently not believing he'd just heard what she'd said.
"BEEF!" The word blurted out of her mouth just as Beverly realized what she'd said before and it was a bit too forceful. "Um, beef, something with some beef." Pause. "Please." Yes, that was the right modulation required. She produced her most glorious smile in an effort to distract him from asking anything else.
Jean Luc chuckled, shook his head slightly, then ordered one of Beverly's favorite beef dishes. The amused grin stayed on his face all through dinner.
The casual chat remained easy and light as they ate, then resumed their places on the sofa for after dinner drinks. No more was said about the doctor's apparent Freudian slip, at least not THAT evening.
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The following day, as the counselor and CMO passed each other going in and out of the bridge turbolift, Deanna winked at her friend and whispered, "Boxers or briefs? Find out yet?"
The doors closed on the counselor before Beverly could reply. She grinned at Deanna's persistence then went to the captain's ready room as requested.
"Come."
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Beverly seated herself on the sofa and waited for Jean Luc to answer.
She watched as he went to the replicator, knowing he would order tea for himself and would be the ever-courteous host by asking if she wanted any as well. Before he'd even reached the replicator, however, the doctor's eyes traveled down his frame. Maybe she could TELL just by looking what kind of underwear he wore.
"Tea, Doctor?" The question was friendly and polite, just as always.
"Yes, please," she answered, still enjoying the view, "With some boxers on the side, if you don't mind."
"I'm sorry?" Jean Luc stared at her.
"What?" Beverly looked up at his now-smirking expression and felt herself start to blush before her brain even registered what had just occurred. "Lemon, lemon on the side, please."
"Oh God," she murmured lowering her head into her hands as Jean Luc began to chuckle.
"Beverly, that's the second time you've made reference to underwear. Is there something you're not telling me?" He set the tea on the table beside her then took a seat next to her on the sofa.
"I'm sorry, Jean Luc," Beverly replied, looking at the cup now in her hand. She couldn't force herself to meet his gaze. She knew there would be a wicked grin on his face that she couldn't deal with just now. This was soooo embarrassing.
"You needn't apologize. But I AM very curious why you have mentioned undergarments twice." He was definitely smirking as he said it.
Beverly blushed more furiously now. She knew it would not be possible to simply brush off this line of inquiry now. Too late. She hadn't been paying attention and he'd caught her.
"I...it's....it was just a conversation I was having with....Deanna," Beverly said to her tea. "I...she was...well, we were discussing Will and his bathing attire and Deanna wondered...." She couldn't finish the sentence and certainly couldn't look at him now.
"I see," he said rather seriously, "Discussing the captain's underwear, and the first officer's. Interesting Dr. Crusher. Do you and the counselor have many conversations about this subject?"
"NO! Oh, God, Jean Luc, NO! It's just....well...." Beverly spilled her tea as she stood abruptly. She couldn't just sit there any longer. Pacing would help. She hoped. She placed the cup on his desk and turned away from him.
"We don't normally discuss you at all. It's just...." She paused, then turned to look at him with a pleading expression on her face, hoping he'd simply let her off the hook.
Jean Luc rose, took the few steps necessary to bring him close to her, then grasped her upper arms with his hands. He grinned mischievously at her.
"It's all right, Beverly, I'm not angry. I just think it rather amusing that you and Deanna would find such a topic interesting."
Beverly raised an eyebrow, then decided against telling him he had no idea how very intriguing the topic could be.
Jean Luc leaned closer to her then placed his mouth by her ear and whispered, "I'll tell you if you really want to know." He leaned back to see her reaction and chuckled again.
"Really?" Beverly was a bit stunned by this response. His close proximity, the shared joke and his smile all contributed to her hands suddenly snaking around his waist and pulling Jean Luc a bit closer. She leaned forward and placed her own lips by his ear.
"Why not just show me, Captain?"
The End ;)