Disclaimer: The usual homage to Paramount, Viacom and all entities associated with STNG. Not my characters just a vivid imagination and a computer that still works occassionally.
The away team had taken every precaution when they beamed down to the planet. The distress signal had been garbled, but they had been able to understand that medical assistance was required. The fact that there were hostile factions on this world applying for membership in the Federation did not deter Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher, MD The CMO certainly did not have time for such nonsense when there were wounded to attend. Of course, this only made the USS Enterprise security officers more apprehensive about her safety. They doubled their efforts and made every attempt to stay close to the doctor throughout the crisis. She moved like lightning, however, and it took the concerted effort of Lt. Commander Data to actually keep up with her.
Beverly was annoyed with the need for security. It hindered her movements and made her feel like she was being surrounded at every turn. It was silly, but they were always so over-protective of her. She was aware of the reasons for this increased concern. Who would want to be the one to tell Captain Picard that his best friend had been injured under their watch?
Beverly was fully aware of the rumors always flying through the ship about the CMO and Captain Picard. She had known about them since the day she came on board twelve years ago. Hell, her SON had told her some of them! She knew Wesley wanted nothing more than for his mother and his mentor to get together. Wesley knew they would be happy if the two people he loved most simply let nature take its course. Beverly smiled at the thought of her son's clumsy manipulations to achieve that end. The usually unsubtle attempts all failed, of course, and Dr. Crusher was grateful her sons brilliance lay in engineering and being a Traveler instead of matchmaking.
Beverly desperately wished she could see Wesley right now, but there was no reliable way to contact him and she just had to wait until he had the opportunity to come to her. The captain had even offered his assistance in trying to get a message to her son, knowing he probably could not do more than Beverly. Dr. Crusher had expressed her appreciation to Captain Picard, but told him it would be useless and not to bother.
The CMO was hovering over a patient with Data at her back when the explosion occurred. It hit her squarely in the chest, throwing her into the android second officer with force. She ended up on top of his back, bleeding and unconscious. Data quickly moved from beneath his friend and fellow officer, hitting his comm badge with the intensity of emotional response, "Data to Enterprise. Medical emergency, two to beam directly to sickbay."
As they materialized in a blue haze in the ship's medical facility, Data explained the cause of Dr. Crusher's injuries to her staff quickly and left to inform the captain in person. His emotion chip was allowing him to fully experience the apprehension of telling Captain Picard of the man's best friend's injuries and allow the android the opportunity to worry that she might not be all right. From Data's cursory perusal of the doctor, he knew her chances were slim, but would not voice this opinion to the captain. That was Dr. Selar's duty and Data was quite content to leave it to the Vulcan physician.
As he reached the bridge, Data scanned for the captain. Not seeing his commanding officer he asked the computer for his location and was informed the captain was in his ready room. Not hesitating at his duty, the android strode to the door and was about to push the chime when the portal abruptly opened and Jean Luc Picard almost knocked his second officer down with the energy of his stride.
"Mr. Data, what happened down there? Sickbay tells me Dr. Crusher was injured." The captain was obviously upset and his subordinate could feel the tension in Picard's hands on his arms as they steadied the android after their collision.
"Yes Sir," Data replied assuming the captain wished to be followed to the turbolift after letting go of his second officer's shoulders. "There was an explosion at the site of Dr. Crusher's latest triage center. Unfortunately, the doctor took the full force of the explosion in her chest." Data winced at the site of Captain Picard's face going completely white. Sometimes the android wished he had not asked Geordi to install his emotion chip.
Jean Luc Picard made his way to sickbay in record time. He had to see Beverly for himself before he could believe she was not perfectly fine. He worried about her every second she was on that damned planet and now his worst fears had been realized. His CMO was always so wrapped up in her work that she never took proper precautions. Of course, Data had explained that he was right behind her when the blast occurred so it wasn't really Beverly's lack of security measures that were to blame, but DAMMIT, she should still have been more careful!
Jean Luc couldn't protect her when he had to remain on the ship and relied on his crew to make sure his best friend was safe. 'Best friend! That's a trite euphemism for the love of your life, Picard!' His own mind scoffed at him for not admitting his true feelings to and for the beautiful doctor. Of course, Beverly had done the same with him. Neither could get past this very problem; that one of them could end up dead very easily. But, the simple fact was any of them could die at any time. He had proof of this when his brother and nephew, supposedly safe on Earth, were tragically killed a few years ago. Jean Luc had not been able to articulate this idea to Beverly; that life was fragile no matter what you did or where you lived. She refused to understand.
When the captain reached sickbay he immediately got as close to the chaotic activity surrounding Dr. Crusher as he dared and was able to see the damage done to his dearest friend. Beverly's arms had apparently come up to instinctively shield her face because there were only lacerations on her forehead. Ugly gashes with tiny bits of metal shining out of their depths, but hardly fatal. The most hideous injuries were the gaping wounds in her chest and abdomen.
'My God,' he thought, 'How can she possibly survive this?' He could no longer look and turned away to wait in the CMO's office for her staff to finish working on their boss. He paced incessantly and had no idea how long it was before Dr. Selar arrived to give him her report. Data had silently returned to the bridge to take command realizing the captain would not be back for a long time.
"Dr. Selar, how is she?"
"Dr. Crusher is in a coma, Captain. We do not know if she will survive. The shrapnel to her chest collapsed both lungs and grazed her heart. We have repaired these injuries, but she was not breathing for over three minutes. I do not believe there will be any permanent damage to her brain, but I will not be able to make a more complete diagnosis until Dr. Crusher regains consciousness. The wound to her abdomen was severe, but we have also repaired that injury and replaced the blood she lost. I do not want to attempt to heal the lacerations until she is stable. We have cleaned and bandaged the cuts on her head and face, but they are not yet repaired. Do not be alarmed when you see her in this condition, those injuries are the least of Dr. Crusher's problems right now." Selar finished her report feeling a vague twinge of regret at having to tell the captain such bad news.
"May I see her?" His mind was in hell right now, but he had to be by her side regardless of Dr. Selar's answer. The doctor saw this in the captain's eyes and gave her permission as long as he did not touch the patient. Picard agreed to the stipulation and practically knocked her over leaving the office. Dr. Selar was not really surprised, but raised her brow fractionally at the captain's pace.
Jean Luc made a quick exit from the CMO's office, but his stride slowed as he approached Beverly's bed. He couldn't bear to see her like this, but he also couldn't bear not being with her if she needed him. He summoned every ounce of his control not to break down at the sight of her pale, damaged face and wounded body. He had to maintain his discipline or he would end up sobbing like a child in front of his crew. That would never do as he had to remain strong for Beverly's sake.
Jean Luc wanted to hold her hand, but saw that it was encased in a stasis unit and didn't reach for it. Instead, he pulled up a chair that Alyssa had placed by the bed, knowing it would see plenty of use, and the captain sat staring at the woman he loved while she fought for her life.
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Dr. Crusher heard someone humming a very familiar tune and wondered where she had listened to it before. It was a remote memory trying to push its way to the front of her mind. She finally remembered it had been a song her mother sang to her as a child. Beverly smiled at the memory now. She felt a soft brush against her cheek then the hand moved to her brow, gently calming the furrow which appeared there.
The doctor had no idea whose hand it might be but the scent surrounding her was very familiar and she realized her head rested in a soft lap while her back and legs were on what felt like grass.
"Beverly," a tender, familiar voice called to her. "Beverly, my angel, wake up."
Only her mother had ever called her that. And Beverly Howard Crusher realized, with another start, that the scent also belonged to her mother as did the voice and very probably the gentle hand and soft lap on which her head rested so peacefully.
Slowly the doctor opened her eyes and was rewarded with the beautiful smiling face of her mother above her.
"Mama," Beverly questioned the vision in a whisper.
"Yes, my angel," the lovely face replied in her mother's voice. "I'm here."
"I.....Mama. Where is 'here?'"
"You are with me." The cryptic reply did not help at all. Beverly considered the answer for a moment.
"You mean, I'm in heaven?" Beverly Crusher did not really believe in 'heaven' but had never come up with a more suitable word to use about where she believed the soul went after death.
A light, musical laugh greeted this question. "If that is where you believe me to be, then that is where we are." Another frustratingly evasive response. What was going on here?
"Why am I here?"
"I'm not truly sure, my angel, but my guess would be because you have been injured beyond repair." Beverly suddenly flashed on the explosion that knocked her unconscious. Could that have done it? Yes, very likely. From the one moment of it the doctor remembered, she could easily believe it might have killed her.
"So I'm dead?"
"No, Beverly, not dead. That would require us to meet in a different place. This place is of your choosing, not mine."
"I chose this place? How? When?" The doctor was startled enough by her mother's answer to try to rise.
"Shhhhh, gently my love. You are not well enough to get up, lie still a while yet."
"All right, Mama." Beverly lay her head back on the soft pillow of her mother's lap and reveled in having her hair stroked as she had when a small child at this woman's knee.
"So, what you're saying is that I'm not dead, but I'm not exactly alive either?"
"Something like that, Love," her mother answered tenderly stroking her daughter's furrowed brow again. The crease was back. Isabel Howard never liked seeing that line appear in her beautiful child's face and always tried to make it disappear quickly.
"Mama?" Beverly hesitated a moment before continuing.
"Yes, Angel?"
"How do I get back? Can I go back or will we stay here?"
"No my love, I cannot stay here with you forever. I am here so we can speak with each other, but you must return or continue on with me, you cannot remain in this place either."
"Oh." Beverly needed to think about this for a moment. It probably meant that she was in a coma from the injuries sustained during the explosion. She had no way of confirming this diagnosis, but was reasonably sure it was correct.
So, if she was in a coma, depending on her body's present location and the medical facilities available, she could easily die or possibly recover. If Data had returned her to the ship immediately and they had beamed directly to sickbay she had a chance. If he had been unable to get her back rapidly enough, she would likely die.
The prospect of joining her mother was not as upsetting as Beverly would have assumed. It was definitely wonderful to be here with her and she didn't want to leave yet. Wherever this place existed it was beautiful, peaceful, and quite relaxing. The doctor sighed with her momentary contentment, then decided to make the most of her mother's presence.
"Mama, I've missed you terribly."
"I know, my angel, I have missed you as well, but I keep my eye on you."
"Do you? Really? I never knew that, but sometimes I thought I could feel your presence." Beverly really had felt that way several times in her darkest hours. When Jack died, when Walker died, when Jean Luc had been thought dead while investigating on Meltris III, his capture by the Borg, his torture at the hands of Gul Madred, Wesley's leaving to become a Traveler, the loss of Odan, the violation of Ronin, all were times when she had strongly perceived her mother's love and warmth surrounding her.
"Yes, Angel, I was there all those times with you."
Beverly sat up abruptly and regretted it instantly. She could apparently still feel pain no matter where this place was. Lying back again and closing her eyes, Dr. Crusher willed the nausea to subside.
"How did you know what I was thinking about?" The cause of her sudden movement finally being revealed.
"My angel, how do you think I know when you are in pain? How do you think we know when you need us the most?"
"Us?"
"Yes, Love, Nana, myself, your father, and Jack, Walker."
"Jack's here?" Beverly's eyes flew open again, but she did not attempt to move otherwise.
"No, Jack is waiting."
"Where?"
"Where we.... 'live'" Isabel hesitated at using such a word for her existence, but it was the best she could do right now.
"Can I see him?"
"Not right now, my angel. You need to rest."
Dr. Crusher thought of her dead relatives and friend and could feel the emotion welling to the surface as she remembered various episodes in her life with each of them. When the occasion of each death sprang unbidden to her mind, the tears began to flow.
"Oh, Mama," Beverly's sobs now escaped any control she ever had over them. "I miss Jack and you and Nana."
"Yes, Angel, we know. We miss you as well, but we will always be close to you. You must remember that."
Beverly reached up to take her mother's hand and was a bit surprised at how warm and soft it felt. She placed it against her cheek and closed her eyes again.
"Beverly," her mother spoke again. "We need to discuss your problem. You may not have much time here and I would like to help you while I may."
Opening her eyes, the doctor searched her mother's face for a clue to the difficulty she mentioned.
"What problem, Mama?"
"Your dilemma about Jean Luc. Why do you push him away?"
"Jean Luc?" The younger red head replied, astonished.
"Oh, Mama, that is so complicated. Our friendship has spanned so many years and so many events I can't even remember some of them." Beverly couldn't BELIEVE this! Even her own MOTHER was pestering her about Jean Luc Picard!
"I am not pestering you, my angel, I am helping you make a decision."
"I'm sorry Mama," the doctor said contritely, forgetting about her mother's ability to read her mind momentarily.
"Beverly, don't apologize for your natural thought process. I don't mind, but you really must confront your feelings about this man and make a decision. It isn't fair to either of you to continue in this manner. It distresses us to see you both in such pain for no reason."
"No reason? Mama, there are plenty of reasons!" Beverly was frustrated with everyone's ability to see her life so clearly and they all had no problem with telling her what to do. Will, Deanna, Geordi, hell even Data got in on it! Why couldn't they all just leave her alone?
"Tell me what the reasons are, my angel." Isabel requested, ignoring her child's wishes to be left in peace.
"Well, we serve on the same ship for one thing. He's my commanding officer for another." Beverly paused and her mother jumped in before she could resume her list of 'reasons.'
"But there is nothing which states that you could not have a relationship with your commanding officer while serving on the same ship, is there?"
"Well, no, not technically unless we were married, Mama, but it would be difficult."
"Oh, I see, difficult. Mmmm."
Beverly cringed at the tone in her mother's voice knowing she had just lost two of her 'reasons.'
"There is also the fact that our lives are constantly in danger and either of us could be killed at any moment." Beverly was close to whining now. She knew this one wasn't going to make it past muster either, but was clinging to her own logic.
"Yes, that is a problem. Especially when you are now the one in danger of losing your life. If your positions were reversed, would you feel less pain if Jean Luc died suddenly, than you would if you were lovers?"
"Mother!" Beverly was shocked at her mother's assumption. She had been five when her mother died and Beverly never thought of her other than as an angelic being.
"Yes, my angel, I know about sex. How do you think you were brought into this world?" Isabel smirked slightly at her daughter's shock. She had meant to startle Beverly, but she wasn't going to allow her daughter to evade the question.
"And the point is you would most likely feel even worse if Jean Luc died suddenly because you had never taken the opportunity to experience the love he could give you and been able to know of your love for him."
"No, Mama,....I don't know...." Beverly stopped and actually considered her mother's words. She knew, instinctively, that Isabel was right. Her regret at losing Jean Luc would be ten times worse if she also lamented not having taken the chance to be happy with him. This theory had basically been proved after Meltris III. Dr. Crusher had secluded herself away and continually reviewed every single time she had passed on Jean Luc's offer to deepen their relationship. But, reverting to the safety of excuses, she did not act upon her regret when the captain had been found alive.
"He scares me sometimes." The doctor's comment was softly spoken and hesitant.
"How, Angel?"
"I love him so much. He takes my breath away, he makes me dizzy whenever he touches me, my knees go weak when he smiles or laughs. It's frightening to lose yourself like that." Beverly was beginning to panic and felt her mother's calming touch on her forehead.
"I know, my love, I felt the same way about your father. I can only say that it is alarming but if you trust him, you will not be disappointed or hurt."
"But how do I know that, Mama?" Beverly was still shaky from her thoughts of how Jean Luc Picard truly made her FEEL and she was desperate to regain her control.
"You do know it, Beverly. Search your heart and tell me honestly that you do not trust the man you love with the very fiber of your being." Isabel was insistent now, she had to be for Beverly's own good.
Her daughter considered this for several moments. It was true. The doctor knew Jean Luc would never willingly hurt her or abuse her trust once he knew her heart was his. The problem had been when he looked for love with other women. None of these escapades had ever worked out, to Beverly's eternal relief, but they had been painful to watch. Vash, Jenice Manheim, Kamala, Nella Darren, Anij, none of them had been permanent additions but two of them had been serious enough threats for Dr. Crusher to consider leaving the Enterprise if he married either of them. She could not watch that!
"You are right, Mama." Beverly finally conceded.
"Of course, my angel. Now, tell me what you intend to do about it."
"What?" Admitting it had been hard enough, now she had to devise a PLAN?
"Yes, Beverly, you must devise a plan. You cannot simply go back and leave the situation as it is as you have done in the past."
"Why?"
"Beverly," Isabel said sternly. Sometimes her daughter needed a scolding and she was going to get one now.
"Don't be obtuse! You know why! You cannot leave that poor man to suffer. He loves you dearly and would do anything for his love to be returned. How can you treat him like that? Even Jack is appalled."
"Jack? Does Jack know about my feelings for Jean Luc?" Beverly was panicking again. Her dead husband KNEW about her desire for his best friend? Oh my God!
Her mother's voice resumed its soothing tone and her hand its gentle stroking of her hair. "Of course he knows, Angel. Did you think he was unaware of his best friend's love for his wife even when he was alive?"
"Jack KNEW when he was alive???" Beverly was really upset now and tried to rise again only to fall back in pain.
"Beverly, darling, you must calm down. I'm sorry I have upset you, but you must know that Jack fully approves of your feelings for Jean Luc. He doesn't want to see either of you hurt and alone. He loves you both. Jack always trusted Jean Luc implicitly. He knew his best friend would never tell you, and would certainly never act upon his feelings. But, even he is frustrated with you two. Jack wants you both to be happy, he wants you to be together."
Not only was her mother giving her grief about Jean Luc, now it was her dead husband! What next?
"What happens next, my love, is up to you. My strong advice is to make Jean Luc Picard an offer and follow through."
"Oh, Mama. I don't know if I can."
"Of course you can, my angel. You're a Howard after all, not some cringing, pampered pet."
"That's true," Beverly agreed softly with her mother's assessment.
"Do you have any idea how he has reacted to your injuries? Do you realize how much pain he is in because he cannot help you? May I show you?"
Beverly was rather surprised by this. She didn't think it would make it easier to tell Jean Luc she loved him, but she did want to see how it had affected him. If she was correct, the captain would be at his CMO's bedside waiting and watching.
"Yes, Mama, can you do that?"
"I can if it is what you wish, but not for very long and you must remain completely still."
"All right."
Isabel took her daughters hands in her own and closed her eyes telling Beverly to do the same.
The vision was odd. The perspective wrong. It wasn't the way Dr. Crusher normally viewed sickbay. She must be floating, for lack of a better word, somewhere near the ceiling. Beverly saw herself lying on the biobed with a stasis field around her, head bandaged in a few places and her hands wrapped in the gray plastic regenerators she knew so well. Beside her still body was Jean Luc Picard, head bowed, shoulders trembling slightly with tension and his lack of sleep, one hand clutching the bed.
Beverly tried to reach out for him and heard her mother's voice quietly telling her not to move. She saw Jean Luc's head lift as her body on the biobed stirred almost imperceptibly with her attempt to touch him. He stood, hovering over her still form, speaking to her in a low voice. The CMO could hear him quite well, which surprised her.
"DAMMIT Beverly! What the hell were you thinking?" He sighed and paused. Maybe he could get her to argue with him.
"Doctor Crusher," he began again in his sternest, displeased 'Captain's' voice which he knew she loathed, "Where the hell are you? I order you wake up this instant." He was very glad there was no one around to hear his ridiculous command. But, hell, if it worked, he didn't care. He just wanted his best friend back.
"Beverly? Can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes." His voice had gotten gradually softer and a note of pleading had entered it.
Jean Luc took a quick glance behind him and decided there was no one listening. It was ship's night and he was quite alone in one of sickbay's private treatment rooms, but the door was open just in case of emergency. The doctor on duty in Beverly's office quietly passed his shift with a good book knowing the captain would call if anything happened to his boss. The duty physician made regular rounds every hour or so, but since he'd just done that he wasn't due for the next yet.
Dr. Crusher saw Jean Luc lean forward and gently place his lips on an unwounded portion of her forehead and both eyes then whisper to her again.
"I need you to open your eyes for me, Beverly. Please come back. Please wake up and yell at me. Beverly?" He paused and then breathed the words she wanted to hear, but words he could barely let escape his lips. "I love you."
She couldn't watch anymore. It was so heart wrenching to see the great Jean Luc Picard begging her to simply wake up. It was tearing her apart. How could she leave this man in agony when it was so easy for her to relieve both their pain? Simple answer there. She couldn't.
Beverly opened her eyes to her mother's smiling face again.
"You see, my angel, that was an easy decision. I'm sorry it took so much pain for you to reach it. You must go back now my love. You must wake up for him."
"No, Mama, not yet, please," she cried, not wanting her mother to leave. Beverly felt like she was five years old all over again. It hurt almost as much as it had the first time. Except this time she could say good-bye.
"Shhhh Beverly, it's all right. Close your eyes, my love. Sleep."
"No, please," but her voice was getting weaker and Beverly could no longer keep her eyes from closing. "Good-bye, Mama. I love you."
"I love you too, my angel." Her mother smiled down at her daughter and caressed her forehead again, humming softly as Beverly fell asleep.
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Dr. Crusher's eyes fluttered once, but no one was in the room to see it. The captain was conferring with Dr. Selar and Alyssa had just left after checking on her boss. Deanna was not off duty yet but would be visiting later, as usual, as would the rest of the senior staff.
Beverly tried to speak but her voice wouldn't respond and she fell back to sleep in a matter of seconds.
The Enterprise's mission had been completed, the victims evacuated and another ship had taken over the clean up operations. Beverly Crusher was the only remaining casualty and she had been in a coma for four days now. Her friends kept vigil at her bedside; talking to her, reading to her, telling her ship's gossip, Data even played two classical pieces that he was preparing for a musical performance. Nothing seemed to help. The good doctor never stirred. And every night, after his duty ended and he had tried to rest for a few hours, Captain Picard took the 'graveyard' shift.
He knew sleep was an unobtainable goal anyway and being at her bedside helped him feel like he was actually doing something. Not a lot, but still, he could gaze at her without being noticed, he could tell her whatever he was feeling because she wasn't likely to hear anyway, he read Shakespeare to her, even played the Ressikan flute for his injured companion once hoping it might just irritate the fiery red head enough to bring her out of it. Nothing helped.
Jean Luc had just come in for his usual vigil by her bed and had spoken with Dr. Selar, also a part of his new routine, to see if there had been any change. He knew the doctor would tell him immediately if there had been, but the captain asked anyway.
Captain Picard took his seat by the CMO's bed and after he'd made sure no one was watching, planted his usual kiss on her forehead and greeted her. It was his ritual, telling her he was with her now and would be for the rest of the night. Jean Luc realized Beverly probably would never know about it so he felt secure in doing it. The captain also enjoyed it. He wished he could bring himself to do it when she was conscious. That wouldn't be appropriate, however, and she would probably rebuff him again anyway. Jean Luc decided that line of thought would get him nowhere and settled down to spend a quiet evening with his friend. It was strange for him to finally be the one carrying on the conversation, usually Beverly kept it going and graciously ignored his lapses.
Jean Luc began to read to her from his Dixon Hill novel. He knew she wasn't really interested in the mysteries, but he was and she would only hear the sound of his voice if anything penetrated her unconsciousness. When his throat got tired, he would read to himself silently and simply hold her hand for a while. He felt the need to keep some sort of verbal or physical contact with Beverly whenever he was in the room and there was no one to watch his actions.
While the captain was reading aloud once more, he thought he heard his name. It was ethereal and Jean Luc wasn't actually sure he heard it, but looked up anyway. Beverly's eyes were closed and she hadn't stirred as far as he could tell. Her visible wounds had been healed now and she looked as normal as anyone in a coma could look. Her beautiful face had been restored to its original loveliness. Picard resumed his reading until he heard it again, his name, whispered a bit louder this time. Again he lifted his eyes to his friend and still saw no change, but this time he leaned a bit closer. Yes, he wasn't imagining it, her eyes were open the tiniest bit. And then he saw her lips move a fraction of an inch and say his name again.
"Beverly?" He couldn't force his voice above a whisper.
"Jean Luc," she answered, or thought she answered him. Dr. Crusher couldn't really hear her voice but she thought it was actually making sound. He had, after all, looked up the last two times she'd made the attempt. She smiled at his blurry face. At least Beverly tried. Her lips only twitched slightly, but it was enough for Jean Luc to yell for the doctor on duty to come quickly. He didn't even realize he had grasped her hand tightly.
The doctor came bustling in wondering what the hell could be wrong now. He took one look at the monitors and a smile split his face. The duty physician leaned over the patient and asked her if she could open her eyes. Picard was a bit frustrated at not being told what was going on and he certainly didn't approve of this young man shouting at his Chief Medical Officer, but the captain did not interfere. The lieutenant called Dr. Selar to sickbay as she requested if any changes in Dr. Crusher's condition occurred.
Finally, the young man smiled at Picard and asked if she'd spoken to him. Jean Luc replied that she had said his name, but that was all. The doctor noticed the captain holding his boss' hand tightly and barely managed to keep the smirk off his face. He'd heard the rumors about Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher, but, hell, who hadn't heard them? The young physician was reasonably sure there must be SOMETHING going on since the commanding officer had spent every single night with the CMO since she'd been injured. It didn't matter, however, the life of his boss was now on its way to full recovery and he informed Dr. Selar of the progress as she arrived.
Dr. Selar was very pleased, for a Vulcan. Her succinct answers and report to Captain Picard weren't quite as somber. Jean Luc knew he had plagued the acting CMO relentlessly, but he couldn't help himself. It was Beverly's life they were discussing and he needed to know every detail.
Jean Luc felt his best friend squeeze his hand lightly and looked down at her with a smile planted firmly on his worried face. Her eyes had opened a tiny bit again and she was looking at him, trying to speak. Dr. Selar told her she should remain quiet and silently left the room after giving the captain a glance that told him not to tire her patient.
He sat again after scooting the chair closer to the bed so he could lean over her more easily.
"I'm here, Beverly," he answered.
"Thank you," she whispered hoarsely to him.
Jean Luc couldn't imagine what he had done to deserve her gratitude, but he wasn't going to argue with her now.
"You should sleep," he replied. His response made her brow crease in the marginal frown she was able to make. This was apparently not the answer she wanted. He tried to appease her and moved closer so she would only make the minimal effort as she obviously intended to speak to him again regardless of what he or Dr. Selar said.
"Jean Luc," she began again, "Did you mean it?" He had no idea to what his best friend might be referring and answered her to simply get her to go back to sleep.
"Yes, Beverly. Now, please, try to rest. You're still very sick." He saw that this reply was good enough to make Dr. Crusher close her eyes again and visibly relax. He sat back and wondered what she had meant by the question. Probably some hallucination she was responding to. He didn't know and he didn't care. All he knew was that she was conscious and he would have his love back very soon.
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A few days later, Captain Picard met his best friend in sickbay to escort the recovering patient to her quarters. Quite frankly, Dr. Selar was glad to be rid of her superior officer. She had never encountered a more surly case in her life and knew for a fact that doctors were the worst patients.
Dr. Crusher had become quite hostile in the last couple of days. Her recovery had steadily progressed, but she could not be released from sickbay until Dr. Selar was confident there would be no relapse or residual adverse affects from the coma. Beverly hated being a patient in her own sickbay and the only bright spots had been visits from her friends and the captain.
He still came to see her around dinner time every night and stayed until she had fallen asleep. Beverly knew Jean Luc would plant a chaste kiss on her forehead before he left and once she discovered this fact, would feign sleep until he produced the desired action. It was childish, she knew, but the doctor enjoyed it immensely and it was probably the one thing, besides his visits, that she looked forward to more than being released from sickbay. The CMO never let her captain know that she was aware of his secret ritual, she did not wish to embarrass him.
Dr. Selar would not release Dr. Crusher for duty, however, and it maddened Beverly to think she would have to waste five more days with nothing to do. The captain and acting CMO had forbid her from taking or doing any kind of work during that time. Jean Luc made sure she ate breakfast, lunch and dinner and watched every mouthful pass her lips as if she were a child who couldn't be trusted. The only time he didn't hover was when he had to be on the bridge. Beverly was beginning to be very grateful for those times.
After the third lunch and thousandth request for her to rest and relax, it was all she could do not to throw something at him. Dr. Selar, Deanna, Will, Geordi and even Data made daily excursions to her cabin to check up on her. It drove the good doctor crazy and by the fourth day she refused to answer the door chime. Beverly was in a proper snit by now and she didn't want to see anyone. If it was Dr. Selar, well, she'd just have to use her medical override to get in if she wanted to poke and prod Beverly Crusher!
The recovering patient knew she was basically throwing a fit, but Beverly no longer cared. They wouldn't leave her alone and she was slowly going insane in her quarters. Finally, unable to stare at the same walls any longer, Dr. Crusher took a trip to the arboretum. At least there was no one hovering there. She took a book with her and chose a comfy looking tree to sit beneath and read for the afternoon. That was precisely where the captain found her a few hours later, sound asleep.
He seriously considered just carrying the doctor back to her cabin, but knew this would not be a good idea. Beverly's temper was on overload right now and he wasn't going to provoke her unnecessarily. Instead, Jean Luc gazed at her for a few unguarded minutes, enjoying the simple, yet now infrequent, pleasure of savoring her lovely face without Beverly's knowledge. Finally, he crouched down beside her, gently caressing her cheek with his finger.
"Beverly," he quietly called to her. Jean Luc did not want to startle this exquisite creature.
"Mmmmm," was her reply, accompanying a dreamy smile as she leaned into his hand. He wondered what she was dreaming about and stroked her cheek as he beckoned softly to her again.
"Beverly, wake up."
"Yes, my love, in a minute," she whispered back.
Jean Luc was completely bewildered by this response. Who could Beverly be calling 'my love?' Trying the same tactic once more, because now he was definitely intrigued, he spoke to her quietly again.
"Beverly, you need to wake up."
"Shhhh, Jean Luc, just another five minutes, Love. Please." Her drowsy, soft tone was making him squirm a bit.
Well, that obviously answered his question. It also paralyzed him. Was Beverly Crusher actually dreaming about him?
He finally summoned his voice again and put his 'Captain's' tone behind it, saying her name quite a bit louder this time, without the caress.
Dr. Crusher opened her eyes instantly and the deep blush making its way up her fair complexion made him realize she hadn't known he was really there. Beverly HAD been dreaming about him. She DID mean Jean Luc Picard when she'd said 'my love.' He was stunned, but managed to keep his composure. The little warm feeling in his gut was something the captain hadn't experienced in quite a while, but he'd been shot down too many times to give it credence.
"Hello, Sleeping Beauty," he finally managed nonchalantly, trying not to smirk at the revelation that Beverly Crusher was dreaming about HIM.
"Hello, Jean Luc. What time is it?" She was going to act like it hadn't happened either.
"It's time you got up and came to dinner," he replied, offering his hand to assist her off the ground. Beverly took it reluctantly. She was still slightly pink from her embarrassment; she had thought her dream was speaking to her. Dr. Crusher still had a lot of trouble distinguishing her dreams from reality whenever she woke.
Beverly had plenty of time to consider the 'vision' she had experienced while in a coma. She didn't have a clue if it were real or if her mind had simply conjured the image of her mother and supplied Isabel with the doctor's own subconscious thoughts. This was the diagnosis Dr. Crusher was prepared to believe, but there was a lingering doubt sometimes that perhaps it HAD been real after all.
They walked to her cabin in silence, each contemplating their own thoughts. The CMO entered to find the table set for an elegant dinner. Beverly turned to see Jean Luc smiling triumphantly at her surprised delight. He had obviously taken the time to make her meal enjoyable. Because of the injuries to her stomach, Dr. Crusher could not yet eat many of the foods she loved. She had to stick to the bland, nutritionally balanced, barely edible substitutes Dr. Selar asked the replicator to supply every day and Beverly hated it. This was Jean Luc's attempt at making the fodder a bit more palatable and she truly appreciated his efforts.
"Oh, Jean Luc! This is lovely! Thank you!" Before either of them realized what happened, Beverly turned to smile at him and place a kiss on his cheek while the captain turned his head to tell her it was his pleasure. The result was Dr. Crusher's lips planted firmly on Jean Luc's and two very surprised people.
Both pulled back quickly and each was fairly sure the other had actually RESPONDED in that second when their lips met. Both were so stunned, however, that they simply stood there for a few moments staring at each other while turning various shades of red.
Jean Luc came back to reality first, cleared his throat and turned slightly away from her, "Well," his voice was apparently not ready to move on, however, and it sounded very nervous, strangely higher in pitch. He cleared his throat again and stepped away from her a few paces before turning back to look at his companion again. Could that possibly be disappointment he saw flash across her face when he'd backed away from the inadvertent kiss? Jean Luc wasn't at all sure. He wasn't sure about anything right now. He hated not being sure. It was embarrassing! It made him feel like a school boy again.
Once again, Jean Luc cleared his throat and tried to see if his voice would respond properly now.
"Beverly, would you like some dinner?" There, that was better. The captain had regained control and he would maintain his distance from the lovely Dr. Crusher tonight. No need to have his embarrassment compounded and Beverly didn't need the stress of dealing with his hormonal antics.
She still hadn't moved. The good doctor was confused and, yes, a bit disappointed. She realized it had been an accidental meeting of their lips. Beverly knew she hadn't intended to kiss him like that, but there those lips had been, right in front of her and she was powerless to stop the momentum once Jean Luc had turned his head.
Pulling herself together, Dr. Crusher tried to smile convincingly at her companion, and barely succeeded. Walking to the table she admired it again, grateful for the gesture.
Jean Luc stood behind her chair and held in an invitation for her to sit. Beverly thanked him and waited for him to bring their dinner. He had been extremely considerate of her feelings about the food being so bland and unappetizing, making sure nothing he ate was any more appealing. He also refrained from drinking wine with dinner as was their usual practice. Jean Luc knew Beverly could not even have synthahol right now, much less real wine and made the sacrifice so she would not feel any more depressed about eating.
Dr. Crusher noticed her dearest friend's gallant behavior and was eternally indebted to him. It made her love him even more. She did not, however, thank him verbally as she knew Jean Luc would not admit his chivalrous conduct and would be embarrassed by having it pointed out. Instead, she made every effort to be as pleasant a dinner companion as possible, showing her appreciation silently.
Jean Luc brought her 'food,' setting it in front of her, and noticed the momentary frown at the tasteless cuisine. He instinctively brushed her cheek with his finger and said, "Cheer up, Beverly, you only have one more day and then you can have anything your heart desires."
The doctor knew he meant food, but her pulse leapt at his touch and the thought that Jean Luc could possibly have been implying something else. She had not felt up to telling him her feelings just yet. Frankly, Dr. Crusher was using her injuries as a lame excuse to avoid the subject all together and she knew it.
There were recurring dreams where Isabel, Jack, Walker, and Nana would all appear together or separately and urge her to tell Jean Luc what she felt. Beverly could not, however, bring herself to actually do it. None of the dreams were anywhere near as real as the one she had while in a coma. Sometimes the CMO thought perhaps it had been genuine and she was simply denying it because it frightened her. The touch of her mother's hands had been so warm and soft and UNDENIABLE.
"Beverly," Jean Luc called to his companion softly, not wishing to startle her, but wondering what she might be thinking about so intently.
"Mmmm," she answered not taking her mind off the dream.
"Beverly? Are you all right?"
"Yes." One word, very quietly spoken, her eyes still staring at nothing.
Jean Luc crouched next to his friend's chair. He was a bit worried now and wanted to be certain she really was fine.
"Hey," he said softly reaching up to touch her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"Beverly? Where are you?" Jean Luc kept his voice quiet enough so that she would not be alarmed at his closeness, which he knew hadn't registered in her brain.
"I'm here." But she wasn't and he knew it. She had leaned into his hand slightly but did not bring her gaze into focus.
Jean Luc had an idea how to bring her around, but was extremely unsure if he should try it. Swallowing his apprehension and pride, he forged ahead, hoping for the best.
"Beverly, my love, come back to me," he said gently, still stroking her cheek with his thumb and cupping the rest of his hand around her face.
She heard him and slowly turned her head towards Jean Luc, smiling softly at him. The doctor wasn't absolutely sure he meant to say those words, but her heart leapt at the look in his gentle hazel eyes. She saw all the love and tenderness and a small tear escaped before she could stop it.
Jean Luc was well and truly worried now. Beverly had not cried throughout this whole ordeal and it made his stomach flip to see the tear rolling down her cheek. He leaned up and kissed it away as her hand wrapped itself around his wrist, the doctor's thumb caressing the back of his hand still on her cheek. She looked at him again when he resumed his crouch and Jean Luc saw her smile as she leaned forward to kiss his lips. He didn't move, waiting for them to touch his own. It was a delicate, lingering gesture, seriously meant to convey her feelings for him.
"Beverly," His voice whispered questioningly. Jean Luc could not really allow himself to fully indulge in the elation he felt at her kiss, he had suffered for that mistake too many times before.
She rose from her seat and took his hand. It was time to put aside her fears and tell him how she felt. Jean Luc had been hurt enough by her denial and the pain would end tonight, for both of them. When finally on her feet, Beverly put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her. Neither spoke, they simply held each other for a few minutes before she leaned back and guided him to the couch. Sitting beside him, and taking his hands in hers, she bowed her head for a moment before beginning.
"Jean Luc, I need to apologize to you," she said looking up and seeing that he was preparing to interrupt with a refusal to accept her 'unnecessary offer.' Beverly stopped him with one finger placed on his lips. Jean Luc apparently couldn't resist the temptation to kiss the digit, making his friend smile as she started again.
"Please, Jean Luc, I know you don't believe I have done anything for which I need to apologize, but please don't interrupt." He nodded slightly.
"I know I've caused you a great deal of pain over the years and I am deeply sorry," Beverly said as she locked her eyes with his. "You've put up with my selfishness for a very long time and I profoundly regret my behavior. I also want to thank you for your patience." At this point, Beverly surprised the hell out of Jean Luc by leaning forward and kissing him again, passionately.
As she had suspected, this stunned him enough to keep him silent during the next portion of her speech. "That, my dear Captain, is only a preview of coming attractions. Assuming, of course, you wish to see the feature." She couldn't help the wicked smile that formed on her face, pleased that it caused his eyebrows to rise even higher and his fingers to grasp hers tightly.
"Now, before that happens, there are some things I need to say to you. You may not speak until I'm finished. Is that clear?" Beverly's best 'Commander's' tone was behind it and she grinned as he automatically stiffened slightly to attention.
"Yes, Sir," he replied and clamped his mouth shut, finally allowing the sparkle of amusement in his eyes to show.
"Very well, Captain." Beverly cleared her throat. This was the hard part.
Looking him in the eye and tightening her grip on his hands she summoned the courage to say what needed to be said. Beverly could almost feel her mother, Jack, Walker, and Nana around her, urging her on.
"Jean Luc, you have asked me on several occasions to consider....deepening our relationship. I have always replied that I was comfortable with our remaining just friends. I was wrong to do that to you and wrong to do it to myself. My fear of falling in love with you was something I couldn't get past. You scare me sometimes." The captain's eyebrows rose again, with concern this time. "You are always ending up in my sickbay and I was terrified of feeling that kind of pain again if you were ever beyond my skills to heal. I cannot bear the thought of losing you." His head bowed as her words hit him. He knew that kind of fear and had experienced it too recently for it not to surge through him again. Jean Luc did not, however, break his promise to keep silent.
"I know you feel the same about me. I've had enough proof of that these past several days and ....." Beverly had not intended to tell anyone of her dream while still in a coma, but she trusted this man and decided to share part of it with him. She would tell him the rest later.
"I had some sort of 'dream' while I was still in a coma. I call it a dream, but it was too real to be that. It was extremely vivid and tangible to me. At one point, I found myself floating above my bed in sickbay. You were there, keeping watch over me and ordering me to wake up." Beverly chuckled at the memory of the captain's words. Jean Luc's head snapped up, brow creasing, eyes showing his astonishment. Still, he did not speak.
"I also heard you say you loved me." She paused so this could sink in and was rewarded with a gentle blush climbing Jean Luc's face. He was beyond stunned now and could not have spoken if his life depended on it.
"I know how much it hurt for you to watch me, night after night, without being able to do anything. It is the worst feeling in the world. You have always stayed at my side whenever I needed you. I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. You are the one constant in my life and I don't EVER want to lose you. I also don't want to cause you, or myself, any more pain by denying my feelings for you. I love you, Jean Luc, with all my heart. I want to prove it to you for the rest of our lives. No more regrets, my love." With her final statement, Dr. Crusher leaned in once again, kissing him with all the passion that lay buried in her heart for over twenty-five years. He responded in kind and pulled her into his lap before breaking their kiss.
"Beverly," Jean Luc could not make his voice any louder than a whisper. He held her face in his hands and continued, "I have waited so long to hear you say those words to me." He could not bear to be parted from her lips for long, making his speech a bit broken.
"I love you so much. I thought I'd lost you." The captain kissed his CMO again. "You are my life. I....I need you in my life, now and always. Please tell me this is real." He pressed his forehead to hers, keeping his hands on either side of her face just to make sure she did not disappear.
Beverly turned her head to kiss his palm and let him feel her smile. Wrapping her arms around him, she put her head on his shoulder, suddenly needing to kiss his neck for some reason. Jean Luc's right arm slid around her waist as his left folded itself around her shoulders. He slid his hand down her hips to her firm thighs and back up to her waist before bringing her lips back to his for another searing kiss.
"Beverly. Ma belle Beverly," he murmured before kissing her again.
"Je taime, Jean Luc," she replied. Dr. Crusher spoke French and enjoyed surprising her companion with it occasionally. She knew it thrilled him that he could whisper to her in his native tongue and be understood. Jean Luc's next kiss was more intense, deeper, urgent.
Lifting Beverly without breaking the connection, Jean Luc took her to the bedroom and gently lay her on the bed. His smile contained all the joy he felt at being here with her, finally. The doctor's answering smile was equally filled with her love and desire for the man she had waited more than twenty-five years to love properly.
As the couple kissed once again, the small group of apparitions vanished, knowing their presence would not be needed for a long time to come.
THE END