BY: Lori
CODES: STNG, P/Cish, R, 1/1
RATING: PG-13
ARCHIVE:  If you really want to
FEEDBACK:  What the heck
DISCLAIMER: I disavow any knowledge of writing this - I was possessed by
Bevster's muse

Summary:  A memorandum from the second in command
 

TO:     All Enterprise crew members and resident civilians
FROM:    Commander William T. Riker, First Officer
RE: Damage to Starfleet property
Stardate: XXXXXX.x

It has come to the attention of the department heads that certain
individuals have been conducting themselves in an inappropriate manner in
classified areas of the ship.

In other words, someone's been rolling around in the Jeffries tubes, on
control panels, in turbolifts and in assorted other locations, leaving
residue in such sensitive areas as the warp core and the bridge controls.

This behavior will not be tolerated on the flagship of the Federation. We
have reason to believe, from the trail of pips, that at least one
participant is an officer in the process of demoting him or herself by
degrees. We should be able to identify the perpetrators after sickbay has
performed exhaustive DNA tests on the. . . residue. It would save the
perpetrators a great deal of embarrassment if they would come forward now,
rather than continue their surreptitious behavior and be dragged off to the
brig after a public confrontation with the evidence.

I have faith that whoever it is will do the honest and moral thing, and come
forward to compensate Starfleet for the damage they have done to Fleet
property.
 
 
 
 

Oh, and Jean-Luc -- gotcha.

You'll see from the headers that you're the only one who received this.

Stick to holodeck recreations of your favorite locations, won't you? You're
embarrassing the senior officers. We keep having to explain the damage to
the rest of the crew somehow, after all, and it's not like you're making
that easy.

By the way, that vibrator you left Spot playing with? Deanna said to thank
you.

And I think, of all the spots you tried, my personal favorite is the bridge.
The lift runs a close second. Dee agrees. Too bad we can't keep it up.
Admiral Hansen really looked at Data funny when he asked him if he'd been on
the battle bridge lately.

P.S. The Jeffries tube on Deck 17 has better acoustics. And Cargo Bay 2 is
really romantic with the doors open and the starlight. . . .