Author:        Alyssa Powell ([email protected])
Keywords:  TNG P/C

Author's Notes:  I *really* wanted to do this one.  Thanks to TheBevster
for letting me :)
 

THE CONSOLE

Okay, so a day in my life basically constitutes a bunch of people poking

at me.  Not that I mind -- hey, I get treated fairly.  The engineers
take care of me when my circuits are tied, I get all the energy I
need...I can communicate with other consoles...it's good.

But sometimes, late at night when no one else is around, the captain and

the CMO sneak in.

I think they abuse each other...I don't know.  When I ask the Big Chair
about it, he just blushes and refuses to talk.  But I've seen
it.  I've seen the indentations they leave on the big guy, I hear their
screams....Oh, how I wish Worf were still here--

Oh, no, here they come again.  Jeez, they're already on top of each
other!  What are they doing, biting each other's tongues off?!
Wait...they're on their feet, they're stumbling over ....here!

OH SH--OW!  Crap, what the hell?!?!  It's not like I just dropped a
console on YOU, Captain!  uhh...sir.  If that hurt me, it MUST have hurt

her more.  Aw, fuck!  You CRACKED me!  Way to go, gray-mush-for-brains.

Hey...that's odd.  That looks like one of those stupid joysticks the
bearded doofus had installed...but it's not connected to my circuit
board!  What's she trying to do with it?  She's not really moving it
around, she's just...

...oh.  Now *that*s different.  Looks like he's rather enjoying that,
too....

Oh, her turn, huh?  I see.  You take turns at this stuff.  Odd
humans....HEY!  NO EATING ON THE CONSOLES!  You wrote the rules, Bub,
you know this!  Aw, c'mon, it's getting all over me!  No!  Human flesh
leaves streaks!  Stop rubbing her against me like that!  You're just
smearing it!

Hey, hey....now, Captain, if you could back off with that---OW!  Don't
knee me there you stupid human!  That's sensitive equipment!  Hey...HEY
now...now that's NOT a good idea!  The heads-up display isn't gonna like

that!  Whoa!  WATCH IT!  You're gonna hit buttons like that!  You're
hitting mine now, but I have a lockout.  Lucky for you, or we'd all be
blown to smithereens now.

HOLYSHIT!  You stupid ugly sack of mostly water, You just spilled
whatever that gooey crap is all *over* me!  Pick it up before it gets
sticky!

Wait!  Come back here!  You are not leaving me like this!  HEY!  I'M
GONNA LOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR QUARTERS!

Stupid humans....now I have to get the holodoc to clean this up.
Dammit.  He and I aren't happy with one another right now.

This sucks.